Gratitude

I've been quiet for a while now because of so much going on. You would think that might provide fodder for writing but instead it creates a bit of chaos in my mind and the thoughts are a little scattered. I'm finally feeling out of limbo, closer to the place I'm going to settle. I don't mean physically settle, though that is on the agenda, rather a settled place mentally so I can feel as though I'm contributing to the world again. A job would be nice for that but until the chaos is gone from my mind I doubt the job front will be tremendously productive.

I'm amazed at how blessed I am. I'm lucky enough to have had things work out in a way that I lost my job, a job for which I excelled at performing when allowed to do so. A job that caused the most misery I've ever faced and caused me to question all that I am. What I found in facing down that beast is that I'm a better person than I had previously credited myself, I contributed so much to the KC community, and the patrons I served were appreciative. I added something to their lives and they valued my character. They cared and that saved the memory of that very miserable time. It overpowers the dark memories and creates a silver lining to that cloud. I am thankful for all they offered me and for their continued support.

Family has also shown I am loved. I haven't been actively engaged in their lives for far too long, or my own life for that matter. I believe this was in part, due to the fact that I became accustomed to the absence of family and for the responsibility you have to be a participant within a family. It is a tremendous responsibility and one for which I hold very dear today and moving toward tomorrow. As for not engaging in my own life, I have no idea why I became so complacent but I suppose it was just easier to put things on hold than to deal with all the changes I faced. I am thankful for all my KC family have given me with support, comfort, and a place to always call home. I am thankful for my blood relatives and for all they're sharing, for the love they offer, and for the kindness of the warm embrace in the lives they want me as a participant. They want me engaged in their world, a part of their lives in a very intimate, warm, & loving manner. It is unconditional love and exactly what I need.

Finally, I am so very grateful for my friends. My friends...I feel I am the luckiest girl in the world to have the most compassionate, loving, and amazing friends everywhere. I have those from my distant past who have stayed with me over so many years, those who have been part of my recent past and got me through the most difficult years of my life, and those who were part of my past and now are part of my present and future. Some have reached out to show they care and want happiness for me and sent me off with sadness but knowing our friendship is not bound by proximity or geography. Others, have welcomed me home with open arms, words of encouragement, and with expressions of how I've been missed and the excitement to have me with them again, today. I don't know how I could have asked for more or be a luckier girl than who I am today. For all these things, I am so very grateful and want to recognize it all today because to appreciate all that I have today will make tomorrow even more fulfilling.