I've taken a vacation from my life of late. No reading relevant news material, no keeping up with most of my intelligent sources for mental stimulation, no blog posts since August 3 but worse, I was snapped back to my reality today when I found that I've apparently vacated my friendships as well. These have likely been neglected far longer than a mere 3 weeks as my reading & writing but likely neglected far, far longer. I have not offered of myself, kept in touch, nor provided the very foundation of anything relating to my friendships. In my own preoccupation with my personal crisis (pl, cri-CEES), the complicated matters of the recent move, unemployment, and of the pending move back to my hometown after 12 years, I have neglected the most basic of friendship responsibilities. I've stopped being a friend.
To add to the shock of realizing what I've done I also had to reflect on the fact that I have cried to myself, complained, and had multiple pity-parties over how my friends have forgotten about ME, seemingly because of my pending move back home. I thought they had abandoned me and found instead that I have likely abandoned them through my own selfishness and self-absorption.
I think the most difficult piece to all of this is not only realizing that I have let my friends down and not been the best person I CAN be for them (and for myself) but that it took seeing someone I can only describe as an arch-enemy and former-friend, who turned on me in the most horrible of ways, has in fact maintained the friendships I have failed. AND – this enemy is a GUY!
Let this serve as a life-lesson for me because now, more than ever, I will rely upon good communication and BEING A FRIEND to MY FRIENDS as the sustenance for my future. It will be the thing to carry me through and I can only thank my lucky stars that I found this failing in myself early enough to take heed and step-up my own acts. I need to BE a friend to be WORTHY of those I call my friends.
To you all, I thank you for your continued friendship and patience when I’m an ass.
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Monday, August 3, 2009
Boston Tweetup or East Coast Elitism?
Please let me first say, I have no firsthand knowledge of any of the events occurring over the weekend or any personal relationship with anyone involved. That said, I still am a highly opinionated person and have ideas to share, so please keep reading.
I’m shocked at the responses about the Boston Tweetup over the weekend. Many of those in attendance are people I follow on Twitter and now on Tumblr & Favrd. I can’t imagine that any of these forward-thinking, educated, and witty individuals would intentionally exclude anyone from an event. I suspect the entire get-together began with two people deciding they should meet. Naturally, the conversation would likely progress into “Well, should we invite so-and-so? Who else?…” and so on. Eventually, as the list grew I can imagine they realized they had to cut it off and kept it to individuals they a.) knew well b.) thought would enjoy the company of those on the invitation list and c.) would feel welcome, want to meet this group and have something to share.
This is all conjecture of course but I just find it remarkable that something so very innocent could suddenly be the source of tremendous drama and hurt feelings. I can understand anytime exclusivity is involved, the natural presumption is that it concerns sexism, racism, or something of the sort. Quite possibly, we’ve all become hyper-sensitive to exclusivity because it takes us back to the high school years. We didn’t want to be excluded from anything and it made us feel inferior. I still lament at the fact that I was kicked off of prom court to make space for another girl (a minority) but I feel that it probably served that girl so very much more than it would have offered me. In the end, it was HIGH SCHOOL and the damage to my psyche was minimal in contrast to what I have faced every day since. Today, I’m not invited to all the events hosted by my very close friends. Sometimes, after they’re together they realize an invitation would have been a good idea and my presence is certainly missed. The thing is, I’m an adult and I know my value extends beyond what I am or I’m not invited to attend.
All I’ve read from those with a complaint over the injustice of the Boston Tweetup seems really petty, juvenile, and misplaced. While I have no doubt the feelings are genuine, and the hurt is tremendously unfortunate, the reality is IT WASN’T ABOUT YOU. This small group decided to get together. That’s it! So who cares if you weren’t invited? Put on your big girl pants & get over it. Stop whining…and if you had a significant other attend the event without you and you wanted to go…doesn’t the responsibility to you lie with the significant other and not the hosts of the event?
My intent is not to diminish anyone or their feelings but to point out that in the bigger scheme of life, this event is small and insignificant. It offered tremendous opportunity to those in attendance and hopefully a memorable experience. To those NOT invited, it offered you time to do something worthwhile to your OWN life and to better yourself. You’re an adult and can have the initiative to create your own world, your own social life, and find personal activities with value for you. Why lament not attending one event and presume it was something elitist when you can do something far more fulfilling for yourself?
I do want to recognize the fact that no one can walk a mile in another’s shoes. The shoes might be on our feet but the fit can never be replicated because of personal experience. What I do know is that if we can all just give one another the benefit of the doubt, assume the best in others, find the best within ourselves and those around us…we might all find ourselves in a better world.
I’m shocked at the responses about the Boston Tweetup over the weekend. Many of those in attendance are people I follow on Twitter and now on Tumblr & Favrd. I can’t imagine that any of these forward-thinking, educated, and witty individuals would intentionally exclude anyone from an event. I suspect the entire get-together began with two people deciding they should meet. Naturally, the conversation would likely progress into “Well, should we invite so-and-so? Who else?…” and so on. Eventually, as the list grew I can imagine they realized they had to cut it off and kept it to individuals they a.) knew well b.) thought would enjoy the company of those on the invitation list and c.) would feel welcome, want to meet this group and have something to share.
This is all conjecture of course but I just find it remarkable that something so very innocent could suddenly be the source of tremendous drama and hurt feelings. I can understand anytime exclusivity is involved, the natural presumption is that it concerns sexism, racism, or something of the sort. Quite possibly, we’ve all become hyper-sensitive to exclusivity because it takes us back to the high school years. We didn’t want to be excluded from anything and it made us feel inferior. I still lament at the fact that I was kicked off of prom court to make space for another girl (a minority) but I feel that it probably served that girl so very much more than it would have offered me. In the end, it was HIGH SCHOOL and the damage to my psyche was minimal in contrast to what I have faced every day since. Today, I’m not invited to all the events hosted by my very close friends. Sometimes, after they’re together they realize an invitation would have been a good idea and my presence is certainly missed. The thing is, I’m an adult and I know my value extends beyond what I am or I’m not invited to attend.
All I’ve read from those with a complaint over the injustice of the Boston Tweetup seems really petty, juvenile, and misplaced. While I have no doubt the feelings are genuine, and the hurt is tremendously unfortunate, the reality is IT WASN’T ABOUT YOU. This small group decided to get together. That’s it! So who cares if you weren’t invited? Put on your big girl pants & get over it. Stop whining…and if you had a significant other attend the event without you and you wanted to go…doesn’t the responsibility to you lie with the significant other and not the hosts of the event?
My intent is not to diminish anyone or their feelings but to point out that in the bigger scheme of life, this event is small and insignificant. It offered tremendous opportunity to those in attendance and hopefully a memorable experience. To those NOT invited, it offered you time to do something worthwhile to your OWN life and to better yourself. You’re an adult and can have the initiative to create your own world, your own social life, and find personal activities with value for you. Why lament not attending one event and presume it was something elitist when you can do something far more fulfilling for yourself?
I do want to recognize the fact that no one can walk a mile in another’s shoes. The shoes might be on our feet but the fit can never be replicated because of personal experience. What I do know is that if we can all just give one another the benefit of the doubt, assume the best in others, find the best within ourselves and those around us…we might all find ourselves in a better world.
Saturday, August 1, 2009
Wanting.
I'm so tired of feeling as though I'm waiting to start my life over but realize I have more time to wait. I want to feel as though I can jump right into a new world - MY world. I want to engage...I want to live, to experience, to be covered in the mess offered by life. I want to have too many things to do and to have to juggle events in my life. I want to experience things...to have things happen, people to see, events to attend, places to go. I want the Dr. Seuss book "Oh The Places You'll Go" to narrate my life right now. You know...simple things in a simple life, offering so very much.
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