Gratitude

I've been quiet for a while now because of so much going on. You would think that might provide fodder for writing but instead it creates a bit of chaos in my mind and the thoughts are a little scattered. I'm finally feeling out of limbo, closer to the place I'm going to settle. I don't mean physically settle, though that is on the agenda, rather a settled place mentally so I can feel as though I'm contributing to the world again. A job would be nice for that but until the chaos is gone from my mind I doubt the job front will be tremendously productive.

I'm amazed at how blessed I am. I'm lucky enough to have had things work out in a way that I lost my job, a job for which I excelled at performing when allowed to do so. A job that caused the most misery I've ever faced and caused me to question all that I am. What I found in facing down that beast is that I'm a better person than I had previously credited myself, I contributed so much to the KC community, and the patrons I served were appreciative. I added something to their lives and they valued my character. They cared and that saved the memory of that very miserable time. It overpowers the dark memories and creates a silver lining to that cloud. I am thankful for all they offered me and for their continued support.

Family has also shown I am loved. I haven't been actively engaged in their lives for far too long, or my own life for that matter. I believe this was in part, due to the fact that I became accustomed to the absence of family and for the responsibility you have to be a participant within a family. It is a tremendous responsibility and one for which I hold very dear today and moving toward tomorrow. As for not engaging in my own life, I have no idea why I became so complacent but I suppose it was just easier to put things on hold than to deal with all the changes I faced. I am thankful for all my KC family have given me with support, comfort, and a place to always call home. I am thankful for my blood relatives and for all they're sharing, for the love they offer, and for the kindness of the warm embrace in the lives they want me as a participant. They want me engaged in their world, a part of their lives in a very intimate, warm, & loving manner. It is unconditional love and exactly what I need.

Finally, I am so very grateful for my friends. My friends...I feel I am the luckiest girl in the world to have the most compassionate, loving, and amazing friends everywhere. I have those from my distant past who have stayed with me over so many years, those who have been part of my recent past and got me through the most difficult years of my life, and those who were part of my past and now are part of my present and future. Some have reached out to show they care and want happiness for me and sent me off with sadness but knowing our friendship is not bound by proximity or geography. Others, have welcomed me home with open arms, words of encouragement, and with expressions of how I've been missed and the excitement to have me with them again, today. I don't know how I could have asked for more or be a luckier girl than who I am today. For all these things, I am so very grateful and want to recognize it all today because to appreciate all that I have today will make tomorrow even more fulfilling.

James Taylor knows You've Got a Friend

I've taken a vacation from my life of late. No reading relevant news material, no keeping up with most of my intelligent sources for mental stimulation, no blog posts since August 3 but worse, I was snapped back to my reality today when I found that I've apparently vacated my friendships as well. These have likely been neglected far longer than a mere 3 weeks as my reading & writing but likely neglected far, far longer. I have not offered of myself, kept in touch, nor provided the very foundation of anything relating to my friendships. In my own preoccupation with my personal crisis (pl, cri-CEES), the complicated matters of the recent move, unemployment, and of the pending move back to my hometown after 12 years, I have neglected the most basic of friendship responsibilities. I've stopped being a friend.

To add to the shock of realizing what I've done I also had to reflect on the fact that I have cried to myself, complained, and had multiple pity-parties over how my friends have forgotten about ME, seemingly because of my pending move back home. I thought they had abandoned me and found instead that I have likely abandoned them through my own selfishness and self-absorption.

I think the most difficult piece to all of this is not only realizing that I have let my friends down and not been the best person I CAN be for them (and for myself) but that it took seeing someone I can only describe as an arch-enemy and former-friend, who turned on me in the most horrible of ways, has in fact maintained the friendships I have failed. AND – this enemy is a GUY!

Let this serve as a life-lesson for me because now, more than ever, I will rely upon good communication and BEING A FRIEND to MY FRIENDS as the sustenance for my future. It will be the thing to carry me through and I can only thank my lucky stars that I found this failing in myself early enough to take heed and step-up my own acts. I need to BE a friend to be WORTHY of those I call my friends.

To you all, I thank you for your continued friendship and patience when I’m an ass.

Boston Tweetup or East Coast Elitism?

Please let me first say, I have no firsthand knowledge of any of the events occurring over the weekend or any personal relationship with anyone involved. That said, I still am a highly opinionated person and have ideas to share, so please keep reading.
I’m shocked at the responses about the Boston Tweetup over the weekend. Many of those in attendance are people I follow on Twitter and now on Tumblr & Favrd. I can’t imagine that any of these forward-thinking, educated, and witty individuals would intentionally exclude anyone from an event. I suspect the entire get-together began with two people deciding they should meet. Naturally, the conversation would likely progress into “Well, should we invite so-and-so? Who else?…” and so on. Eventually, as the list grew I can imagine they realized they had to cut it off and kept it to individuals they a.) knew well b.) thought would enjoy the company of those on the invitation list and c.) would feel welcome, want to meet this group and have something to share.

This is all conjecture of course but I just find it remarkable that something so very innocent could suddenly be the source of tremendous drama and hurt feelings. I can understand anytime exclusivity is involved, the natural presumption is that it concerns sexism, racism, or something of the sort. Quite possibly, we’ve all become hyper-sensitive to exclusivity because it takes us back to the high school years. We didn’t want to be excluded from anything and it made us feel inferior. I still lament at the fact that I was kicked off of prom court to make space for another girl (a minority) but I feel that it probably served that girl so very much more than it would have offered me. In the end, it was HIGH SCHOOL and the damage to my psyche was minimal in contrast to what I have faced every day since. Today, I’m not invited to all the events hosted by my very close friends. Sometimes, after they’re together they realize an invitation would have been a good idea and my presence is certainly missed. The thing is, I’m an adult and I know my value extends beyond what I am or I’m not invited to attend.

All I’ve read from those with a complaint over the injustice of the Boston Tweetup seems really petty, juvenile, and misplaced. While I have no doubt the feelings are genuine, and the hurt is tremendously unfortunate, the reality is IT WASN’T ABOUT YOU. This small group decided to get together. That’s it! So who cares if you weren’t invited? Put on your big girl pants & get over it. Stop whining…and if you had a significant other attend the event without you and you wanted to go…doesn’t the responsibility to you lie with the significant other and not the hosts of the event?

My intent is not to diminish anyone or their feelings but to point out that in the bigger scheme of life, this event is small and insignificant. It offered tremendous opportunity to those in attendance and hopefully a memorable experience. To those NOT invited, it offered you time to do something worthwhile to your OWN life and to better yourself. You’re an adult and can have the initiative to create your own world, your own social life, and find personal activities with value for you. Why lament not attending one event and presume it was something elitist when you can do something far more fulfilling for yourself?

I do want to recognize the fact that no one can walk a mile in another’s shoes. The shoes might be on our feet but the fit can never be replicated because of personal experience. What I do know is that if we can all just give one another the benefit of the doubt, assume the best in others, find the best within ourselves and those around us…we might all find ourselves in a better world.

Wanting.

I'm so tired of feeling as though I'm waiting to start my life over but realize I have more time to wait. I want to feel as though I can jump right into a new world - MY world. I want to engage...I want to live, to experience, to be covered in the mess offered by life. I want to have too many things to do and to have to juggle events in my life. I want to experience things...to have things happen, people to see, events to attend, places to go. I want the Dr. Seuss book "Oh The Places You'll Go" to narrate my life right now. You know...simple things in a simple life, offering so very much.

http://www.ibdeditorials.com/IBDArticles.aspx?id=333933226310500

This editorial (also on Gatesgate) reminds us all of what REALLY happened...a couple of people performed their civic duty.

What ever became of the Citizenship Award in school? The one to teach us all to aspire to be good, quality members of the community. Better yet - what happened to COMMUNITIES? A rant for another day...

A Lesson in Humility

http://www.theroot.com/views/accident-time-and-place

Earlier this week, I wrote of my appreciation for Henry Louis Gates and this column, effectively captures the spirit within his person. This is the Henry Louis Gates I've seen on discussion panels and appreciate so much. The entire column was less than I expected from him but culminated with a statement that sums up the real lesson learned. It reads: "Having spent my academic career trying to bridge differences and promote understanding among Americans, I can report that it is far more comfortable being the commentator than being commented upon. At this point, I am hopeful that we can all move on, and that this experience will prove an occasion for education, not recrimination. "

I think that pretty much says it all. The lesson learned? Humility.

Taste of Things to Come

http://www.whitehouse.gov/health-insurance-consumer-protections/

Good news - things are headed in the right direction but we're not there yet. Let's all hope this brings about changes in the entire health-care system, beyond that of simply providing care for those without or with less than adequate coverage. Here's hoping...